I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
