I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
