This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
