Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
