I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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