we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
