sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize