I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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