i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
