Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
