Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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