i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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