its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
