we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
