I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
