You can't special order awesome
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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