It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
