just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
