i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
