dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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