so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
