i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
