and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
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If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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