I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
