I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
