Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
