I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i love accidental penises.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
