I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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