Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
