if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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