Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
