is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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