Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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