Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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