Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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