I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hippo gnu deer
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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