Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
