She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
