Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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