I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
