Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
