I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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