Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize