there were more penises there than on chat roulette
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My ass is underappreciated
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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