she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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