My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
