Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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