pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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