ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
