this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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