In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Im part way to drunk.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
