paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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