he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
