I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
