i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
