It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
