fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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