eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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