he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
