Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
