dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
