At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
