Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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