Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You were trust falling into bushes
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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