porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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