he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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